Cultural Differences

Part of our relocation package has been "cross-cultural training". The training was not scheduled until we were "settled" and so it was January before we participated. I'm not sure we learned anything NEW during our time, but it did confirm a lot of the impressions we had previously made about the area, people and customs. The man who supplied our training was very educated and had much experience in the real world. He holds a post graduate diploma in Management Holland; an M.B.A. from a university in Pakistan; and a Doctor of Business Administration from the University of Hawaii. Originally from Pakistan, he was extremely interesting to listen to and seemed to be able to actually EXPLAIN where various customs originated and how they would affect us living and working in Malaysia.
One of the things he talked about extensively is how in Malaysian society to "lose face", that is lose control of one's emotions or to show embarrassment in public, is perceived as a negative display of behavior. They often will use a number of methods in order to "save face", including laughter and shyness; however, Malaysians are unlikely to correct you or tell you to your face if you are doing something inappropriately. For instance, they will often answer "yes" even if they don't mean it, because "no" politely will cause "loss of face". He said that sometimes a "no" answer is delivered through a third party. Words are less important and greater attention is given to body language.
It is also a high context culture and business is personal and based on trust, so developing relationships is more important than exchanging facts and information. We have DEFINITELY seen this in Jeff's business relationships here! Negotiations are often slow, protracted, and many visits are needed to make a decision. People will do business with you if they have heard through a friend that you are a good person. When formulating ideas and making decisions, Malaysians will often be guided by subjective feelings, combined with the Islamic faith, instead of relying on hard facts.
Business cards are a very big deal over here! People will normally give you a card that contains information about his/her title and status. Malaysian companies generally follow a vertical hierarchical structure where authority is directed from the top, so the use of titles for superiors is important. When handing or receiving a business card, you do so with two hands, words facing out towards the other person. It is rude to be given a card and have nothing to give in return; but it is VERY rude to just stick the card in your pocket without first REALLY reading it, and possibly making some comment. (Actually, when handing or receiving anything over here, they do it with two hands.)
When you arrive at some one's home (or some businesses, even), you should remove your shoes. (This practice reminds me of when all the teenagers would come to the house with my kids in the evening. They always took their shoes off and left them by the door--I never asked--they just saw our kids doing it and followed!) You never, EVER point your finger at someone. Always use your thumb, keep it tucked up against the other fingers, and use your entire hand to indicate if you are pointing. You ALWAYS handle food and exchange gifts with your right hand. In fact, you are not to use your left hand to eat, shake hands, touch others, point, or give or receive ANY objects. They do give and receive drinks with both hands, though.
There are certain "taboos of gifts" as our instructor advised. Malays make up 58% of the population here, are Muslims, and find any gift containing pork, alcohol or dogs as extremely offensive. Chinese make up 25% of the population and believe that clocks, straw sandals, sharp objects and handkerchiefs are bad luck and should never be given. (I didn't even ask him the reasons for those items!) Also, the number 4 symbolizes death and "should be avoided at all costs". Hmmmm. Red, however, is always a good color. (I really wish it were "lime green"--I have much more of that color.) Finally, Indians make up 7% of the culture and about 80% of them are Hindus. They do not eat beef, so any cow connotations are prohibited. He spoke about giving anything made from leather--had not even thought about that!
When you are out in Malaysia, you frequently see women wearing burqas, or head veils. Some women will have the full dress on, but most will have western/Asian style clothes on, but just have the burqua on also. Since our trainer was Muslim, I asked him if there was a significance to why some women wear them and others don't, and he said it was really a personal preference instead of a religious distinction. His wife did not wear one growing up, but he said she chose to start wearing one after they were married, and now his three daughters also have made that choice. It is very interesting to see a scooter fly by you, and the woman has a helmet on over her burqa.
Also a part of the Muslim religion, there is NO contact between the sexes,, except for handshakes. He told Jeff that it is usually best to see if a Muslim woman extends her hand before sticking your hand out. Jeff has actually been in meetings with government officials where two of the women shook his hand--one did not--so it seems to be much like the burqa in that it is your preference. Unmarried and unrelated men and women cannot be together is certain environments. I'm not exactly sure what those "environments" entail, but he did mention "hotels". (I agree with that belief.)
Locally there is a traditional greeting that I REALLY like. "Salem" resembles a handshake where the man offers both hands, lightly touches the visitor's outstretched hands, and then brings his hands to his chest to mean, "I greet you from my heart". It always makes me smile and feel "welcomed" when this practice is utilized!